The Voice of Truth...

As I was driving home tonight with Shelbi asleep in her car seat, I heard a song on the radio that took me back almost three years ago...

I was driving with my sleeping newborn on my way to the Department of Human Services for our first court appointed 'visitation' with birth mom. My stomach was in knots as I faced the harsh reality of dropping off my precious baby girl for one whole hour with strangers... I didn't care that this woman had birthed her... I was her mother. And the fact that she had only been mine for 6 short days mattered even less, she was still my baby. I was shaking in my car, a million thoughts going through my head. "What if she's not ours forever?"..."What if we get near the end one year from now and the judge hands her back to her birth mom?"..."What if a relative comes out of the wood works and takes her from us?"...the possibilities were endless, and completely out of my control. I knew going into this that we were setting ourselves up for potential heart break, but at the time thought I could handle what ever God threw at us. *Gulp* That was before she was in our arms, in our lives... in my heart. So now the reality was sinking in. Even though we were her parents, legally we were nothing more than long term babysitters...completely disposable with no rights to her what so ever. I hated it.

So as I sat in the front seat, tears streaming down my face realizing the harsh reality of our situation, I instinctively cried out to God. "Lord! Show me your peace! Show me your will! ...Speak to me right now so that I have complete and utter faith that this is all in your control! I want to forget these 'what-ifs' and enjoy this amazing, precious baby that you have blessed us with...!" And as I did, at that exact moment, the song came on. A song from God, speaking exactly what I needed to hear, warming my heart and calming my fears. His soft hand wiping away my tears, giving me hope and joy bursting from my soul.

"And the Voice of Truth...tells me a different story,

The Voice of Truth says, 'Do not be afraid!'.

The Voice of Truth says, 'This is for My glory!'.

Out of all the voices callin' out to me,

I will choose to listen and believe

The Voice of Truth!"

(Casting Crowns)

Soothing words to my aching heart! God is so awesome...he taught me how to completely surrender in all things. His faithfulness through the whole process of our adoption was steadfast, and from that moment on I never doubted or questioned again. Of course, the fears would race the back of my mind every now and then, but I clung to God's promises. And I knew that He would use our life story for His glory, to touch others going through trials and remind us to cleave to Him in our struggles. His plan will prevail, and through faith we know that it is always much mightier than any plans we will ever make on our own!!!